The other night a dreamed about my mum. I forget most of the dream, but the last bit really stuck with me.
You see she passed away 6 years ago, around this time.
In my dream, Mum was sad. There was something wrong and we needed to get somewhere, so she got in the car. She was in the driving seat, and I was in the back.
As she started to drive, her driving was really erratic, and clearly unsafe, so I asked her to stop the car and I was going to drive.
She got out of the car, but instead of going to the passenger side, she sat down on the pavement and refused to move unless I let her drive.
I didn’t want to let her drive, but I also couldn’t leave her on the pavement alone.
So we were stuck. No-one budging in inch. And that’s when I woke up.
No prizes on what the dream meant, so I got my journal out and wrote down my dream and what I thought it meant. But I couldn’t leave it that way.
So I closed my eyes and visualised that point of the dream. I knew I had to talk to mum and get her to come into the car. I just didn’t know what to say. But as I visualised us, a funny thing happened. I knelt down in front of mum, took her hands and said “I’m sorry”. Next thing I know, we’re hugging and tears are streaming down my eyes.
She agreed to let me drive, but she needed to be a passenger for a little while longer as she’s not quite ready to go yet.
And as I opened my eyes, I bawled my eyes out. All the grief that had been held back came bursting out. A dam breached.
I know she’s still with me and we need to do something we never did in real life and that’s talk.
So maybe the healing can begin.
It’s funny how forgiveness starts with those two little words…